Nairobi politics, football, conspiracy theories and related propaganda

Monday, February 20, 2006

satos=footie=Man U / Arsenal vs the rest

Last saturday saw Man U concede a goal to the scousers and hence Man U did not manage to win. This is a careful choice of words for when it comes to the great red devils, they neva lose a game, they simply manage not to win in one of those rare encounters. As for the rest of the field i.e goon squad, scousers chelskis etc, they simply get beat!!! period. now that we have established my allegiance, onto to other things...

whoever came up with sato sports, deserves a pat in the would would otherwise be boring for we batchelors and them spinsters..... Football takes prime time on sato and no matter what the outcome of a game is, a sato is neva complete bila footie. I
am a manchester united fan ( hence the link) and if i can, i never miss a game involving the red devils.
tukishinda then its a guaranteed tusker downing evening.
tukishindwa then its another tusker downing down the sorrow ofcourse!!!
tukidraw, well its yet another evening of tuskers.
therefore whichever way the game goes, tuskers will surely be downed!!!!

the beauty of sato sports is that its a guy- thing, though lately mamas have found it interesting to indulge in sato sports rather than doing their nails, hair or whatever they do on satos...(methinks its a keeping a short leash on the dude, ama) ask Oyunga Pala
but i digress...

it all starts with the pre match analysis, highlights predictions and other whatnots, by football pundits, knowitalls and anyone who thinks he's got his two cents on the game. The teams will have been analysed days before and likely results indicated.
kisha opposing fans gather in the watering holes then its all systems go.. as the game progresses, mafans cheer, sneer, growl, howl, scream, laugh and sob depending on which side of the footballing divide they belong...
in nairobi, most mafans are either Man U's (weka mikono juuuuuuuuuu...) or Arsenal's(what a bunch of losers!!!!)
Then kumetokea some confused fellas..
hawa ni watu wamekosa msimamo. Most of them are infact Arsenal fans and only shifted allegiances when mambo yalipoanza kwenda mrama huko highbury!!! Actually these quasi-arsenal fans will always switch allegiance mbioooooo!! when arsenal is being whacked mercilessly by akina bolton, wigan ama leicester!!!!talk of a crappy bunch of sore losers..
they will be at it again whenever Man U is playing or the scousers or chelski!!! they simply have no bearing on what loyalty is all about. I dare say Man U fans never defect no matter what!....sisi ni watu wa msimamo kabambe! (Just like KANU , to use a bad analogy )

These fake bunch will shout the loudest whenever arsenal thwacks a weak team. They will talk of the glory days ahead ( actually the have been dreaming of glory since time immemorial) but once thwacked, they retreat and scamper with their tails between their legs only to re-emerge later with false hopes.
wakishindwa, ole wao!!.

then there is this bunch of glory suckers...
hawa walijiunga na chelski and/or liverfools only when these teams had a taste of victory!! you will see them huddled together in a clumsy group pretending to be watching a chelski/liverfool game. Kumbe secretely they are monitoring the results of Man U/Arsenal!! bure kabisa!!!!. You will hear them claim ati all their live wamekuwa chelski/liverfool fans!!!
should u put a simple questions across, kama "when did chelski/liverfool last win the FA cup?" they stare in bewilderment and change the subject. Ask them who was Chelski's/ liverfool's captain in say 2001, they accuse u of playa hating!!!! shindwe nyinyi!!!!
they are a simply a bunch of losers who love to savour the success of others due to their own shortfalls! ukiona hawa??....gonga na chupa ya tusker!!

lastly kuna wale ambao they are simply nutheads. they claim to be pacifists and only watch the cos they lack nothing better to do!!! wanasema they dont support any team but will always be seen around the bar whenever man u / arsenal is playing.. sasa hawa wakati game imebamba, they change sides as fast as they down their tuskers. they claim to bestride the middleground as far as the game is concerned. Lakini wacha bao ifungwe na ile timu they really support
in their hearts!!!! chaooooos. they will shout the loudest and soon allegiances will be re-established!! Should the opponent score, they will squirm in their seats and feign lack of interest in the game.
Usually this bunch like the goon squad, will always leave before the game concludes. Kisha they source for the outcome via sms. Normally they will claim ati wanaenda kazi (kazi????? sato jioni na jamaa alikuwa anapewa kitu.....thats a good one!) or ati they have a date at home. Most probably wameitwa na mama nyumbani.
u have to give it lakini to the goon squad when it comes to false aspirations!!! yani they will brag and brag about their supposedly young squad which will work wonders in future ( again about glory days in future.. dream on losers....!!)
all in all Man U (Like us, hate us, doesnt matter) will alway rock!!!!
i am yet to meet a true ManU fan( wait a minute, there are no "true" fans for man u fans never defect. hence no need to classify them as either, true fans ama quasi fans ama pacifists!!) who will walk away from a man u game whatever the likely outcome. the thing is, we understand the game and we know winning and losing is part of it.

so kwa wale wote ambaye mnapenda kandanda, where do u lie?? for u are either with us or against us!!
Ngoja hii sunday, Wigan will wish they neva got promoted to the premiership!!!
tutawakaranga na kuwapika kama githeri!!!


  • At Monday, February 20, 2006, Anonymous mentalacrobatics said…

    Guy from this post I gather you must be a very young guy to state that most football fans in Kenya are either ManUtd supporters or Gunners. Sit down, grab a pen and paper to take notes because I am about to give you a quick history lesson. 99.9% of footballs in Kenya as late as the early 90’s supported two teams. The Mighty Liverpool and the not so might Man Utd. There was a bunch of people who supported Tottenham, Newcastle and West Ham lakini there were very few Arsenal supporters, certainly no Chelsea supporters.

    The most loyal fans in Kenya are Liverpool fans. Season in season out we had to take abuse from all corners, but we stayed true. Red for life. Check the number of Man Utd fans you have with you next time you go to watch a match. The number will have dropped significantly. You guys have no sense of loyalty.

    And oh. On Saturday you were not beaten, I agree. You were SPANKED!

  • At Monday, February 20, 2006, Blogger kritik said…

    just as i thought!!! the liverfool "has been" scousers will of course feel slighted by my take on footie. Mentalacrobat, am well aware of the history of footie. remember lakini in the 80s kenyans were mostly fed on a diet of footie made in germany!! English soccer came in the 90s and by the then the scousers had faded and a new era of..yes ManU began. At the same time, our electronic media was coming of age and hence most people started devouring FA premiership. Naturally we all went for the best in the game. Wengine kama nyinyi mnajifanya eti liverfools fanatics...uongo mtupu. U simply switched ur allegiance last season based on that fluke of a win over AC milan, au sio??
    so wacha hii mambo ya red loyalty.
    deep down i think u r an arsenal(how sad) fan.
    dont worry no cam

  • At Thursday, February 23, 2006, Anonymous acolyte said…

    I second mental!I have been a Liverpool fan tangu primo.During the good treble days and the dark Houllier days, CL has nothing to do with our allegiences!Penda usipende Liverpool are a force to be reckoned with and are back.It's time for Manure united to pack their bags and leave the game to those with class.One has to be extremely weak to switch from Arsenal to Liverpool.Do you know in the whole history of UK soccer only one player has been transferred between both teams and that was in the 1940s before the advent of the premiership.If you want to dig into fans dig into all the fake Chelsea fans.Read soccer history before you start throwing stones.....

  • At Thursday, February 23, 2006, Blogger kritik said…

    Acolyte as far as loyalty goes, methinks arsenal fans are indeed weak. They switch allegiance haraka sana. Given the way arsenal humiliated REAL, they will all flock back and re-pledge their allegiance. With regard to liverpool, my opinion still holds. U were the early defectors and are just claiming loyalty cos of their achievements last term. On another fact in history, No MANUTD player has EVER ( i insist) been sold or transfered to Liverpool!!! and vice versa... thats why Sir Alex was not keen to sign Owen. I bet u didnt know that one. I dare you to prove me wrong!!!

  • At Saturday, February 25, 2006, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I truly believe that jamaas are just trying to be soccerfans wasichekelewe kuwatch cuando seas mia na secreto de amor ma weekends
    Juzi nilisikia wasee wengine wakisema ati kwanini diego asi diss beroness amarike na paloma That means that they follow the proggy secretly lakini it cannot be discussed when the boys are sitted in the pub. Vile na feel is machali worth their salt should stop this footbal craze of the weekends as in hakuna sato yoyote tutakuwa tunafanya kitu romantic coz of foota?!?!? So My suggestion is kila mtu( Hubby and Boyfriend) aweke dstv kwa nyumba muwatch foota yenu kama munatumassage u know where (can all the ladies say oooo yee yaa )That way sato can get back to be romantic bana. maisha yamekuwa mabaya coz of foota.
    And i also want you to post a column of the soaps currently running on tv.We are great fans of this spot and we want to feel that we are felt(Tunasikika) thoroughly. Currently the soaps are cuando seas mia (No 1 On our kenyan soap opera chart show)Secreto de amor, les hermanas, the long wait and the other chuta ones
    MUJIenjoy videadly

  • At Saturday, February 25, 2006, Blogger kritik said…

    hi sweet anony... i gather u are a bootylicious babe who's romantically starved cos ur jamaa is into footie??? maze pole sana.
    truth is, u cant separate a boy from his footie... thats just like telling you to never do your hair or nails or whatever u and ur sistas do...but i digress.
    u see sweet anony..footie is more like a religion. Its gives men a high that cant be explained. maze the day a mamasita will tell to choose between canoodling with her on the couch on sato rather than watching soccer, ndio nitatoka mbio kwake. as in what is a man suppoed to do?? footie also provides jamaaz with a great opportunity to while away the hours (and at times misery) and also to bond with the times its good to be with people of ur sex ( ok am not gay or anything...i shoot very straight!!).
    footie just like coke or marijuana, gives one a high but sadly it wears off too soon so a man needs a constant "fix".
    as for the soaps..... it really beats me as to why an adult would spend ample time watching fully grown mamas and wazees weeping!!!! c'mon that shit is simply fake. u r watching a fake illusion. why on earth would yu watch a proggy recorded in latin or spanish then clearly translated to english???
    but i wouldnt make a lady watch soccer with me hence i expect the same of u.
    u can keep ur soaps for all i care..just leave the footie to me and the boys...

    now one for the boys... al the chelski and fake scousers , goons et al are really praying.nay...fasting, so as wigan can twanga The Great RED DEVILS!!!!
    poleni sana....we wil karanga that first division outfit and show them the difference between footie and child's play..

    ya. i know congrats to the goon squad...nice fluke that one!!

  • At Saturday, February 25, 2006, Blogger Instigator said…

    I can see Arsenal have been vunjwad leo.Pole mate!

  • At Monday, February 27, 2006, Blogger kritik said…

    instigator, am no gooner. that bunch of school boys couldn't withstand the wrath of physical rovers.
    as i said, we did rum amok that ist div outfit wigan.
    tuliwachapa 4-0....long live UNITED!!!

  • At Monday, February 27, 2006, Anonymous mentalacrobatics said…

    You muppet you show how little you know of you own clubs history.
    Have you ever heard of a guy called Matt Busby? The man responsible of re-building Man Utd not once but twice? The greatest manager Man Utd has ever had? Have you heard of him? Well where do you think Matt Busby, the man without whom Man Utd would not even exist today, where do you think Matt Busby learnt about the game? Where do you think he learnt about management? Where do you think he learnt about how football is to be played? Where do you think he learnt about what it means to be great?
    You only get one guess at the answer.
    And if you do a quick google for "Phil Chisnall" you'll understand just why Liverpool don't buy Man Utd players ... simply because they are crap.

  • At Tuesday, April 04, 2006, Anonymous Make said…


    I must have drank too much yesterday, since I spent a couple of hours here:) is the greatest "idea" in the last few years according to me. It gives us the ability to post our own opinions too... That is something great...

    Wish I create one too in the near future...

    make money fast and easy

  • At Monday, August 09, 2010, Blogger peter said…

    its just too late to think of commenting on a 2006 article but hav just seen it as I walked through history and realized its tough to see the future since chelsea or cheski as its referred is now one of the best teams in the world


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