Nairobi politics, football, conspiracy theories and related propaganda

Saturday, February 09, 2008

The Aftermath

The crazy scenario we are in is not only depressing but bewildering.
I want to pose a few questions...
1. who really won the elections??
2. If H.E Hon Mwai Kibaki did win (which i believe he did!), why should he share power with anyone??
3. If Raila is not power-hungry as he claims, then why not swallow that bitter pill and accept the inevitable... He will never be the president of this country!!
4. Why all the noise over Kalonzo accepting the VEEP office? I mean, isn't every politician's ambition to ascend power and retain that power by any means (rigging, doctoring, bribing and any other adjective that the ODM comes up with!) If Raila was in Kalonzo's shoes, i bet he would have done the same.
5. What was The Hon Marende (Damn! we need such people in high office) doing all that time in that company of turncoats?? I must admit that Marende has done the honourable thing and put the country's interest first before the ODM's !!
6.What was Muite thinking?? Ati forming SPPG??? He is political reject and he should stay so!! There are no shotrcuts to leadership!
7.If ruto and his ilk think that the country will forget the atrocities committed in the rift, then they better think again! My family was uprooted and traumatised by hired goons masquarading as politico-hotheads. we will never forget.
8.Why wouldn't Kibaki call ODM's bluff and tell them off!!! Watado???
mass action?, economic boycott?? loot the empty shops in Kisumu?? bure kabisa

9. Finally, kudos to Martha Karua.... That ironlady has the balls of ten men!!! Karua keep it up!

Thursday, January 11, 2007

2007 disections.....

Happy new year...?
I got nothin to say
politics sucks!
Our leaders suck..
Econet should be banned from kenya for trying to foil VTEL's entry intelecoms
kwendeni huko...I swear kenyans watawafanya vile walifanya castle breweries!!
kanu should be wiped off the map..
bure kabisa..
Narc-k Odm -K...?same script, same cast!
wakwende huko...
Bush and Blair...... these two deserve the hangman's noose!
Ethiopia...kudos to them! atleast they got the balls to do what had to be done.
Tuju...brilliant act you put on shooing off the pesky UNHCR busybodies... you have hoodwinked all of us...Keep it up and who knows, 5 more years?
Agwambo... its boring man everytime you say this and mean that!
Beth Mugo....mama tafadhali wachana na raira! he's not worth it.
Koigi...please shut up?
Ruto.. go to the library and read something on how not to run a government...leave the military out of your silly politicking!
Uhuru, ...stop crying.
Biwott...please retire.
Kombo....make up your mind
Ngilu....wacha kuruka ruka...yea we all know unataka kuingia ODM..spare us the theatrics!!
Michuki.....wacha kuongea sana, fanya kazi!
Saitoti...congrats dude!
Kimunya...stop teteaing your thieving friends at KENYA-Re! lakini congrats for finally shutting that bank!
the only civil servant who deserves a pay rise......John Gakuo.
Man its a pleasure to walk the streets of nairobi at night while shouting nonsense on the phone while high on muratina!!!!
The man has really changed the face of Nairobi..
nimeenda pwani!!

Thursday, November 16, 2006

Drug Money ???

The other day I had to endure a long queue at the nation centre.

My mission???

To get a piece of the pie that is the IPO frenzy gripping the nation(no pun intended) so addictively.

Whilst the queue was moving albeit at a slow pace, i pondered at the implications brought about by this sudden investo-bug...
For one, the amount of cash lying idly at the bank vaults has reduced drastically ginya banks are literary begging the masses out there to kamata mkopo wa salo!(sic)

Secondly, people have realised that indeed one can make a fortune instantly and waste another in equal measure.

Thirdly, and this is what irked my balls!!!!!

Raila and co had the balls to brand all those people trying to get a piece of the pie drug peddlers ! (obviously my intepretition of his shitty comments) The dude claimed ati the phenomenal growth registered at the stock-ex was financed by drug money!!! How dare he label kedu 300K new investors drug dealers?

pumbavu yeye!

Kwanza i bet he is one of the top investors at the bourse. Anyway as usual it was politics. With him its always siasa. Ata ukiambia raila ati leo kumenyesha, he will claim it hasn't!

I bet the day kenya strikes black gold, he will be in the states shouting his shit off about this or the other...anyway i guess by now people are beginning to get tired of his antics and theatrics.

Ali castigated him for making wild allegations which are founded on porojo...but it was expected. The dude always has to come up with something wild whenever he jets back to the country so as to ensure that he will grace the frontpage of the ODM STANDARD!( a topic for another day..i mean ata kama michuki raided SNG, the people huko kwa standard have really lost it. kila siku they wage a war with the govt. we all know you were raided!!! get over it!! stop being a mouthpiece for a section of the political class -- read ODM. You are losing your credibility very fast.) remember the minimum reforms debate that raila stoked when he jetted back with from wherever he came from??? I really pity his odm minions akina kajwang, oburu etc, who have to lay the groundwork before the big kahuna comes to town!!!
listen to them..."oh there is aplot to eliminate raila...blah, blah blah...."
bure kabisa!!!! Can"t they be men enough and set their own agendas?? Oh, i forgot. Kumbe they are in bunge courtesy of his highness the agwambo!!!! No wonder kalonzo throws tantrums akisikia ati The ODM defacto leader- hon raila odinga jetted blah blah bla...!!!!

No sane govt would want to harm a guy like Raira (to quote the newly reinstatated Energy waziri) He is just too noisy such that a shrewd leader like Kibaki will always ignore him to his chagrin! but ensure that he does his bit in complete harmony....give a dog his bone... As one columnist put it, people are tired of raila claiming his life is in danger every other day...the boy who cried wolf!
But why on earth would someone go to a foreign country and pour shit, bile and vitrol on his motherland???? hapo yenyewe raira missed the bus...lets see if the canadians will register in large number in kibera!

He is too radical to be prezzo ( this, he knows!)

He is too emotional. He cannot make critical decisions which though essential, might be unpopular.A strong leader knows when to appease his people and when to stand his ground even if it means pissing off the masses...just ask George dubya bush(bad example? yes, but it gets the point across!)

Populism has never turned round an economy,

Empty political rhetoric does not put food on the table.

Euphoria has never resulted in job opportunities for the youth.

political grandstanding kama ile ya kina ruto, kalonzo, uhuru et al...serves to disenfranchise

the electorate.

Upumbavu kama ule wa akina mutula ushindwe!

All in all msema kweli ni come 2007.


Fellow kenyans pamoja twendeni tukanunue shares!

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Pride and Perception

Raila, having realised his voter block here in kenya is inadequate,
has gone on a regional vote hunting spree!
Now,the brothers in diaspora are expected to register in large numbers
in anticipation of online voting rather absentee ballots (sic!)
shit is, once you leave kenya, your vote is as good as a 6 years' old.
Raila should get real. Trying to upstage Kibaki on continental tv is not only callous
but stupid.

He must be glowing with glee at the prospect of hapless africans wondering
who the fuck he is? Imagine a nigerian crying "oga, who is dis my brodda? wot contry is he supporting at de wold cop?" is he a presdent my brodda?"..........
Let me not delve into the arabic reaction nor the zulu reaction!
I wonder how many kenyans including those in his backyard have seen his
5 seconds in the sun.
Just think about it, how many kenyans in rural areas have access to dstv?
A better medium would have been KTN/KBC. i need not explain.
Anyway, passing himself of as a pan-africanist (i wonder if he knows the meaning of it)
is really cheap.

But hey, he and his stooge kalonzo (remember his KM foundation?) are simply playing politics.
I mean who heard of a politician setting up a foundation well before the twilight of his career?
Clearly these two bit a lil' bit more than they could or can chew.
All in all, i must recognise that in a tribally charged political society like kenya, numbers do count.
But so is perception.
You may lack the numbers but engage in countless meaningless ventures
which serve to increase you visibility.
Therefore, leaders like Kibaki, Uhuru , raila, Mudavadi etc will always hedge their bets on the tribal arithmetic whilst those from mimimal votes communities opt for the perception bit. examples include akina ruto, kalonzo, balala etc...

Anyway by going continental, raila has indeed entrenched his candidacy
on the minds of africans (not kenyans!)
shit is, can he bank on the african vote to help him sail through in kenya?
your guess is as good as mine.

What pan-african or rather regional initiative has raila undertaken that makes him
dream of being called a pan-africanist?
Is he implying that he is no longer in the league of kenyan leaders?
Is he at par with Nelson Mandela, Kwame Nkrumah or closer home, to Mwalimu Nyerere or Jomo Kenyatta?
Granted its his right to gloat. Afterall he is the Mp for Langata which houses the largest slum dwelling in Africa!!!

Aha!!!! iko kitu....

By representing the largest slum dwelling in africa, Raila is truly Pan-africanist!
What an accolade...congatualtion dude!!!
Lets see how far the african and indeed diaspora vote will carry him in his quest.