Nairobi politics, football, conspiracy theories and related propaganda

Monday, September 26, 2005

the day after...

come nov 22, kenya will a a changed place. the politicians will live life to the fullest having accomplished their selfish interests.
should the banana camp win, the country will be governed using a document that is not only flawed, but difficult to implement.
should the orange brigade win, the country will be left with the current constitution which is fatally flawed and outdated.
in essence there is nothing to gain from both scenarios.
both camps are only interested in self preservation. they dont care about the common mwananchi. what a sad situation!!!
come nov 22 and kenya will indeed be different

Thursday, September 22, 2005


yesteday the orange camp finally ventured in the banana territory. the venue was uhuru's backyard in thika. of course they expected banana peels litter the way to thika stadium. the ndizi goons dared them to a fight and it was really hilarious watching adults pelt each other with plastic chairs..........
this reminds me of the time when somali mps resulted to chair fights at the grand regency hotel, when they could not agree on various issues. remember most of the somali mps are warlords!!!
am sure they wished they were in somalia where they would have simply shot each other.

anyway the banana republicans were a wounded lot!!! i mean, with the beating they received in garrissa on last week, i believe they were stocking their egos and were relishing the chance to mete some revenge on the orange brigade!!

all the same, the orange brigade did put a good show in thika. they were led by tinga(a.k.a agwambo). the host was uhuru. agwambo's lackeys were not to be left behind. this time though, they were careful and they did not insult the prezzo as they normally do in nyanza!!
ofcourse had they dared then it would be a different they say, when in rome ,do as the romans do.

the banana republicans really need to re-invigorate thei campaigns. holding closed door meetings in ministries do little to spread the "gospel". they need to get out of their offices and meet the people and be ready to fight a bruising battle cos the orange brigade appears to be a well oiled machine.

on a different note, was this "bull of new york " story correct??


Monday, September 19, 2005


This past weekend the banana republicans finally managed to put up a show of their shaky campaign. The rally was held at banana hill(sic) in kiambu district. what a coincidence!!!
of course they did this in an area where they knew they have wide support. Prior to that the replubicans had been chased literally out of garrissa!!!! of all the places one would expect little or no opposition to either camp!!. the republicans should have known better.
the banana hill choereography proved to be a face saving technique for the republicans. i must add though that the republicans have some nice taste for headgear!!!! the kamaru style hats are quite authoritative!!!...on this front, they outdo the compe!! i must get a similar hat!!
it will be quite interesting to watch the banana republicans in a different corner of the country prefarably luo nyanza......tinga's stranglehold....

meanwhile, the orange brigade, was really working up the crowds in various regions. the most notable thing was the declaration by agwambo (a.k. tinga) that the orange team brigade will bag the referendum.!!!.he proceeded to tell his followers not to bother stoning or disrupting the banana republicans' rallies as this would be a waste of time and vital resources!! ( read stones!!) it was really hilarious watchinh one kajwang outdo himself in firing up the crowds. the usual tinga sycophants were present and tried to outdo each other so as to appear as the most ardent agwambo sycophant!!!

this whole comedy is ofcourse but a fight between the kiuks and the njengs!!!
i mean lets face it, the banana republicans cannot dare set foot in agwambo's territory. the orange brigade are also aware that it will be hard selling oranges in the banana land of cental kenya.

One project uhuru ( my favourite ) has engaged strange bedfellows!!! The kiuks (being as proud as they ever are) know very well that their blue eyed boy is simply playing politics. he will of course not deliver significant votes to the orange brigade, but he will suffer no backlash when the big day ( read the elections in 2007 and 2012) come. he simply their "heir apparent" when the prezzo calls it a day.. call it a case of havin your cake and eating it!!!

on the sideshow......
one western mp made a rather curios offer to prezzo kibaki.....that in order for the western province (read lunjes) to vote bananas in november, he must promise to step down in favour of one of their own come 2007!!! fat chance kibs will even lose sleep on this offer!!!!

meanwhile there emerged a bull of new york. It was reported that the govt had recalled our ambassador to the u.s. of a cos some senior aide simply couldnt tame his libido!!!! poor guy may cause the good ambassador his job. of course the very one and and only gava spin doctor dr. alffie mutua denied this allegation. more details will emerge later.

this past weekend was really hectic.
the daytona mgt did a shody job and as a result, their was no mugithi. they are yet to learn that mugithi is pretty competitive and to stay in business you must be prepared to advertise every friday in the daily nation!!!. this paper really makes my day on fridays.........i mean what with all those pubs ( they are actually patronised by most the banana republicans) advertising what and who will be featuring in their weekend mugithi menu!!!! the nation guys i think are republicans!!! on a footballing note, the battle of the reds ended in a stalemate...
considering the history between the red devils and the reds, this was a somewhat fair result.
the russians (read chelski) are really a pain in u know where!!... wameaza kuhepa na ligi!!!!
did someone say arsenal????? i wonder where they are?

now that i sound like a banana replubican, can anyone direct me to where i can buy that beautiful authoritative kamaru hat!!!!!

Tuesday, September 13, 2005


Hon mirugi kariuki was quoted as saying tha hon kalonzo musyoka will be prosecuted for a long overdue case because of the stand he has taken on the constitution.
the learned mirugi in my opinion has totally lost it.
i remember in his heyday as a firebrand top nakuru lawyer who usually took on high profile cases which in more ways than one rubbed the govt the wrong.
he is a human rights lawyer of repute who should not be blinded by power.
i guess the shoe is now on the other foot....

Tinga(raila odinga) and his brigade have declared that should oranges fail to win the referendum, the he together his rebel ministers will quit the govt. of course they expect the same from the banana camp shouldthe referendum go the orange way.

on onother note, this past week nation tv (ntv) feaatured a story about a domesticated zebra found in west pokot. this zebra mated with a donkey and the offspring was a crossbreed of the two.... having zebra stripes on the legs and a distintive featrues of both the zebra and donkey..
only in kenya...

elsewhere the police went on a mission to rid the sprawling kawangware slums of chang'aa.
boy oh boy !! did they get a hard time as the locals complained that the cops had invaded their cherished dens which the locals claimed came in handy especially in this difficult time!!!

on a big note, the orange camp today got a major boost when the firebrand embakasi mp one daudi mwenje, defected from the banana camp.

on a personal note, my local pub....daytona park in imara daima, has reopened!!!!
atleast i will get back my groove as mugithi is surely one heck of a beat....for kyuks that is...
(now u know my tribe and probably my camp!!!!) this brinhs me to the kyuks and the funny names they give their bars.......sample this:

> >> > - ndikuinuka umuthi bar & restaurant.
> >> > - munyaka bar and restaurant.
> >> > - tukundanire bar and restaurant
> >> > - wenda gikeno bar and restaurant
> >> > - Múúkio ta wa njogu Bar and Restaurant
> >> > - Túcungwa twega Bar and Restaurant.
> >> > - Mungiki Bar and Restaurant
> >> > - Reke maarie Bar & Restaurant
> >> > - Nyakinyua Nungu Bar & Restaurant
> >> > - Kamushugwa or kamuchugwa 'ini
> >> > - Kíragita kíruithio Bar & Restaurant.
> >> > - Sina tabu bar and hideout.
> >> > - Kumi Kumi Bar Restaurant and Lodge
> >> > - Ripa kabra ya Kunywa Bar, Restaurant
> >> > - Kurara Lodge
> >> > - Kanyanyaini Bar Restaurant and Lodge
> >> > - Ripa Kesho Bar restaurant and Lodge
> >> > - Ninyuo ninyuo bar restaurant and Lodge
> >> > - Dynamo cia Makeri Pub
> >> > - Athamaki A Kabati
> >> > - Mera Cinoke Kibera Pub & Rest
> >> > - Wazee wa kazi Bar & Rest
> >> > - Mucene Bar & Rest
> >> > - Magomano Bar & Rest
> >> > - Githeri-ini Bar and Restaurant:
> >> > - Tonyia inji ikumi Bar and Restaurant:
> >> > - Redi cia Muthithi Bar and Restaurant
> >> > - Kuhuura kanua bar & restaurant
> >> > - Gukena bar and restaurant
> >> > - Magomano ma athuri bar & restaurant
> >> > - kuda-kuda bar and restaurant
> >> > - Kahuruko kega bar& Restaurant
> >> > - Moi dagacoka Bar and Restaurant
> >> > - Nyaka~nga bar& Restaurant
> >> > - Miitu ya ndaracaini bar and restaurant
> >> > - Wandahuhu kwendia mwana bar and restaurant.
> >> > - Thoko ya mitugo miaganu bar and restaurant.
> >> > - Kariua ni mucii Bar and restaurant.
> >> > - tuthugumire cia kahua bar and restaurant
> >> > - Ukuigua uguo bar and restaurant
> >> > - thendi cia Bonathi bar and restaurant.
> >> > - Mung'ari wa saba saba bar and restaurant.
> >> > - Wandindikira kii Bar and restaurant.
> >> > - MUGITHI Bar and Restaurant
> >> > - Kikuyu Anadinya Jaluo Bar
> >> > - Tahika na ukome bar and restaurant
> >> > - Kunywa ta magui ikumi.... bar and restaurant.
> >> > - rigika bar and restaurant.
> >> > - Njoroge ee ruraya... bar and restaurant
> >> GUTAHEKA NA KWONA DUMA Bar and Restaurant ...

finally my cyborgname is...

Robotic Intelligent Construct Hardwired for Immediate Exploration...

Monday, September 12, 2005

an orange revolution to a banana republic!!!!!
november 21st is the big day in kenya..
the much awaited and much vaunted referendum on the proposed draft constitution bill aptly named the wako draft ( named after the kenyan attorney general) will be held on this date.
the country is extremely polarised into two camps which have assigned fruits to represent their sides.
the yes camp led by the president...h.e emilio kibaki has a banana, while the no camp led by revolutionary turned cabinet minister ( yep he is part of kibaki's cabinet) raila odinga, has been assigned an orange!!!
these two camps have really gone to wild lengths to demonstrate their positions to the extent of villifying the two innocent fruits!!!
the no camp has aptly declare that should the country vote yes, then we will have turned our country into a "banana republic" !!! this ofcourse will require an orange revolution ....ukraine style!!
the yes camp is actually dormant though a cursory comment here and there erupts.
for instance it was reported in the daily nation that the president was offered an array of fruits while presiding over a police function..... naturally he opted for a banana and his entourage sycophantly followed suit!!
at a funeral, an assistant minister offered the mourners lots of bananas to quell their hunger...
of course the beneficiaries of this charade are the vegetable and fruit sellers who are reportedly doing brisk business in all the rallies depending on which fruit the rally identifies with..
another clever campaign tool is email and sms..
these spread like bush fire
the kikuyu are known to be vulgar...
the orange has a connotation in gikuyu which refers to twilight girls as 'gachungwa' ----this is kikuyu name for an orange.---hence the yes team refers to the no team as people of quetionable moral standing.
but the brunt of this jokes of course villifies the banana camp..
this fruit has been admonished and demonised!!!
the yes camp has been delt a huge pr blow...they cannot come up with clever campaign strategiies..all the do is issue hollow proclamation on how they are going to shake every corner of the country...... they are yet to shake off the slumber they seem to be in!!

simply put, kenyan politics is deeply tribal.....the chief protagonists have always been the kikuyus and luos.these two tribes dont see eye to eye politically. ironically they came together in 2002 to destroy the Moi-Kanu stranglehold that held kenya to ransom for close to 42 years.....

ofcourse now it appears it is a battle of kikuyu (and its offshoots..the ameru and aembu) versus the luo ( and the rest of the smaller tribe). this has of course been symbolised as a kibaki vs. raila of cheap politics!!!

well november 21 is the for me, i despise both fruits. i love barley and malt!!!
simply put i will vote for my tusker ...the top kenyan beer...u should get some//